Poptarts, Asgardian Ale, and Hair Braiding
by Parmawen
Summary: Inspired by a brilliant post on Tumblr. On the way back to Asgard, Loki is bored. Which is never a good thing, especially when Thor is around. Thor tries to deal with Loki being annoying, Odin is confused, and Loki's having the time of his life. One-shot


Pop Tarts, Asgardian Ale, and Braiding

Thor and Loki, flanked by two guards, entered the throne room of Odin. They were finally home in Asgard after terrible days of fighting on the Earth below.

"Father," Thor said, "We have successfully returned home at last!"

"I see," Odin said. He rose from his seat. Thor nodded respectfully, but Loki, chained and gagged, merely looked at the powerful god.

"Well," continued Odin, "It appeared that there are pressing matters for my review, namely the deeds done by my younger son as of late."

Loki glared at him.

"But first, Thor."

Thor gulped. He had been praying no one would speak to him about this.

"What in the name of all that his good have you done to your hair?"

Oh dear.

Thor cleared his throat. "You see, Father, I had nothing to do with this matter!"

"Nothing to do with this strange mortal hair style? How do?"

"My sanity was at stake, Father! I had no other options!"

"You mean to say someone forced you to arrange your hair in such a hideous fashion? You, my son?"

"Thor shook his head. "Noooooo, not exactly."

"Start at the beginning," Odin demanded. "And speak slowly."

It really all started that morning, Thor thought, as he and Loki were preparing to leave for Asgard. The trip would take several hours to complete, so they left early in the morning.

Thor was completely full, having eaten three boxes of pop tarts for breakfast. He had smuggled a few into his pockets for later, although this was difficult without the other Avengers seeing. If they knew, they would certainly tease him about his appetite.

Loki had simply growled at them when they had asked if he wanted anything for breakfast.

Fine, Thor thought. Let him hungry. I don't care.

He couldn't imagine going without breakfast any day, and especially not on such an eventful day as this.

Now they were standing outside, each with a hand on the tesseract. Thor looked around at his group of comrades, with him be had fought and laughed. It was difficult to say goodbye to all of them, but he was looking forward to being at home.

He nodded to his friends one more time, smiling at each. Then, he and Loki twisted the tesseract and shot off into the skies.

Thor settled back and looked around him. There were clouds everywhere, bumping into him as they soared. They were cold and wet, and he shivered, although he was used to this sort of weather.

Clouds never made Loki cold. He loved them, and they loved him, clinging to him, sort that he would often seem to be in a circle of clouds while they rode.

It would be a quieter ride than he was used to, since Loki was gagged, much to his annoyance.

Thor smiled, remembering family trips when the boys were younger. They would race each other through the skies and find shapes in the clouds, and run into their father until he shouted that he would take them all home RIGHT NOW if they didn't stop.

He sighed. No, this was nothing like those da—WHAT was that noise? It was as sort of tuneless tone, over and over and over again. It was quickly become very annoying.

He looked around. They were completely alone in the middle of the skies. There were not even any birds to make that sort of noise. Was something wrong with the tesseract? Would they go crashing back down to Earth in a minute? But no, upon inspection, the cube looked fine, and no sound was emerging from it.

That left only one potential source. Thor looked over, and locked eyes with his brother.

"Is that you, Loki?" he asked.

Loki raised his eyebrows.

"That humming sound. Is that you?"

Loki nodded enthusiastically and gave Thor a big thumbs up.

"Would you mind stopping. It's grating on my nerves most severely."

Loki widened his ice blue eyes and nodded again.

Thor smiled and closed his eyes. "My thanks." He was starting to doze off when another sound started.

"Hm hm hm hmmm hm hmm hm hmmm…hm hmmm hmm hmmm hm hm hm hmmmmm…"

"Thor recognized the tune as The Song That Never Ends. He had heard Darcy singing it one day back in Arizona, trying to annoy Jane. It had been in his head for the rest of the afternoon. He groaned and tried to ignore it. His mother had always told Loki when the younger boy was irritating him.

He closed his eyes again and tried not to listen to the incessant humming.

It didn't work.

This was going to be a very long day.

To his credit, Loki managed a good 37 rounds of The Song That Never Ends. On time 38, Thor lost it.

"SHUT UP!" he screamed. He brought his hammer dangerously close to Loki's face, and shook it.

Loki didn't even flinch. He shrugged and fell silent.

This time, he was quiet for almost fifteen minutes. Thor had almost fallen asleep, and was having a lovely day dream about and endless buffet of pop tarts. He reached out for one, lifted it to his lips…

And that was when Loki chose to strike again.

"Hm hm hmmmmmmmm…." he hummed.

Thor jerked upright, hitting his chin on his hammer as the table of pop tarts disappeared. He waved it about in search of an enemy as though his life depended on it. No, there was no enemy except for the demigod who sat, cross legged, across from him. He would have been smirking if he wasn't gagged, and Thor knew it. Instead, Loki merely winked, slowly and deliberately, at Thor.

He went back to humming while Thor was still disoriented. "Hm hm hmmmmmm, hm hm hm hm hmmmmmm…."

"What song is that anyway?" Thor asked. He hated it, but he thought it would be nice to have some sort of idea what he was hating before he hated it completely.

"Mmph mmph mmph," Loki said. Thor had forgotten that he couldn't exactly answer at the moment.

"The song was Jingle Bells, but Thor had no way of knowing this.

"Humph," he said.

Aha! An idea had struck him. He would sing too! If Loki wanted to hum along, that was just fine.

He tried singing all of his father's battle songs, but he couldn't remember more than the first two lines of any of them. He tried to sing the songs his mother had sung when he was small, but he ended up singing all of them to the tune of Jingle Bells accidentally.

Finally, he gave up and listened to Loki, who had switched songs, hum 99 Flasks of Asgardian Ale on a Wall for a while. When he was down to 64 bottles, Thor did something that surprised both of them. He took his bare hand, and slapped Loki across the face.

Loki flinched, and stopped humming.

"What can I do," Thor asked, "To make you cease than infernal noise?"

Loki looked up at the sky above them and stroked his chin thoughtfully.

"What?" Thor asked, when Loki made no response.

Loki shrugged. He tried to cross his arms, forgot he was chained, and failed.

"There must be something!" Thor groaned. "Ooh!" He remembered something. "I'll give you a pop tart if you stop!"

He took one out of his pocket. It was cherry, his favorite, and he didn't really want to let Loki have it. But if it would save his sanity, he would give it up in a heartbeat.

Thankfully, he didn't have to. Loki took one look at the pop tart, scrunched up his face, and turned away in disgust.

"What?" Thor asked again. "There are simply fantastic!" He broke off a corner and popped it into his mouth.

Loki shuddered.

"Nothing then?" Thor asked, mouth, full of pop tart.

Loki thought again. Then, his eyes suddenly lit up and he nodded.

"What?"

Loki pointed at Thor's head and made a motion with his long fingers.

"You want to twist my head?" Thor asked, not understanding. "No!"

Loki shook his head and rolled his eyes. He reached out and grasped a strand Thor's hair, and made the twisting motion again. This time, Thor got it.

"No. Nonononononono. You are not braiding my hair.

Loki exhaled in disappointment—and launched into the next verse of 99 Flasks of Asgardian Ale on the Wall.

"Fine!" Thor shouted. "Fine, you can braid my hair as long are you're quiet!"

Loki clapped his hands in a rare moment of glee, and maneuvered himself over to Thor.

"Just…nothing degrading to a prince of Asgard, I beseech you."

Loki gave him a thumbs up. Thor prepared himself for the worst as his brother's fingers combed through his precious hair.

Now, as he stood in front of Odin, Thor knew that they worst had come.

"…And that's why my hair looks like this now," he finished weakly.

"Is this true, Loki?" Odin asked.

Loki nodded sullenly.

"I see. Well, Thor, go attempt to make yourself more presentable. Loki and I have matters to discuss.

"Yes, Father." Thor nearly tripped over one of Loki's feet in his attempt to exit the throne room as fast as he could.

He went to his chamber, found a hand mirror, and began to undo Loki's careful braiding.

Seven minutes later: "Done!"

One corn row down, only 969 to go.


End file.
